Marriage, why?

Why Marry?

Like most middle aged men, this is a valid question, one I confronted yesterday when my brother in law tied the proverbial knot of death. He's in his mid-thirties, good looking, and he married his baby momma - that's New York code for a shot gun wedding. She's 31, attractive, has a good job and pregnant. He has been dating her for over two years. So why get married, why tie the knot of death?

I protested, silently, by wearing black. Okay, grey pinstripe suit, black shirt. Not exactly a signal protest, but I wore a tie with red and white - red for the passion to contrast with the black shirt, white as a ray of hope that this marriage might be different than every other marriage - where the husband capitulates in the interest of home harmony.

But, I have little hope for this one, or any other one. Marriage seems to be an institution forced on us by our construct of religion. Men are not monogamous by nature; we need the socializing influence of a good woman. This is tantamount to asking a child to tame a bear. The bear will end up mauling the child, but because it's humans we are talking about, the bear will then feel guilty about mauling the child.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying women are children - they just have the same chance of taming men as a child has taming a bear. And the bear has the same capacity for remorse as men have - none.

I believe we should have chits for children, like businesses have credits for pollution. You get two, spend them how you want to. If you are thirty five and have two chits left, you will be popular with women who have a biological clock. If you spent your chits in your twenties, those women will shun you.

"You got chits?"

"Nah, used 'em already."

"Have a nice night."

On the other hand, if a woman has already used her chits and meets a man with no chits, it would read like this.

"You got chits?"

"Nah, use 'em already."

"Me too."

"Wanna talk?"

"Yeah, what else would we do?"

Now, dudes would actually talk to women. We might actually act like humans then, because, there's no procreative pressure and you can approach marriage as an agreement rather than a contract, a contract signed by God Almighty.

So, I used my chits, you?

Spike

New School

It's September and that means back to school for me and my kiddies and that means stress levels will be reaching an all time high right about now. I'm a teacher, you know, that's my day job. I'm a father too, that's my real job. But, I'm in school too and figuring out where that job fits is proving to be a challenge for me, both in terms of time and priority. Grad school seems selfish - it steals from my students, from my wife, and from my kids.

But, it adds to my depth and breadth of knowledge, benefitting my children and my students, and adds to my income by virtue of a lane change at work, benefitting me and my children. So, why is my graduate school always at the bottom of my priority list, the last thing I do, the thing I do at midnight after feeding, studying with, and bathing my kids?

It's because it is my personal realization, my selfish pursuit. It really is all about me, the writing, the reading, the analysis and the angst. I do it for me, not for them, or them, it's solely for me. I like to pretend it's about my students, about making more money for my family, but it isn't.

Don't kid yourself. Me going to school does make me a better teacher, does make me a better writer, does make me a better dad. But, that's not why I do it. I do it because I love it. And, because I love it, and I do it, that fulfills me. The fulfillment of self actualization, of learning, that makes me a better dad, a better teacher, a better husband.

At least that is my story. And, I'm sticking to it.

Spike