Rat Reflections

I flew to Florida on Saturday and boy, are my arms tired. Actually, I am tired. We rocked at the Tragic Kingdom on Sunday and Hollywood Studios on Monday during the day, then went back to Tragic Kingdom in the afternoon. We killed my kids, they were totally worn out. It has been an adventure.

Saturday morning we took a cab to the airport. The driver was suffering from the DT’s and kept having seizures that affected gas and brake and I think he was suffering from the cold as he cranked hot air for the trip while rambling on about his experiences as a PGA caddie. I guess all the jerking and hot air got to my 20 month old because as we pulled up to the airport, my son did a great Linda Blair impersonation and vomited in a projectile manner - sour milk and Mandarin oranges all over himself, his clothes, car seat and cab.

Picture this: Mom changing a 20 month old on the curb in front of SkyCap counter in 20 degress, he’s shivering with blue lips, there’s three large bags, two car seats, two strollers and a diaper bag strewn on the curb and dad trying to check in. I use diaper wipes as best I can to clean the car seat, bag and check it. We head for the gate. I notice we are not seated together, so I head for the gate agent, who is busy seating his boyfriend. I am standing at the counter with my rank smelling son while my wife takes my daughter to the bathroom. He ignores me and leaves. He comes back and without acknowledging me, gets on the phone, then the radio, then leaves again. When he returns on other business, I ask him if he is going to help me. He tells me to wait, in spite of the fact that I have been waiting for 20 minutes.

I explain that we are two adults traveling with two young children, one ticketed, one not, and that it would be best if we were seated together. He informs me that the flight is oversold and there are no available seats. I asked if the flight was oversold six months ago when I bought the tickets and he asked if we reserved seats together. I said I thought we did and he told me that they charge extra for that.

Are you kidding me? Charge extra to sit together? Welcome to AirTran Airlines.

We get to Orlando, get our luggage and realize, based on the stench, that we will not be able to ever use that car seat again - trash it and rent one with our car for $80 for the week, almost twice the price of a booster seat, but, what are we going to do.

Check in, all is cool, then a day at the park - my son has diarrhea, a lot of it, it spills out of his diaper and on me as he is sitting on me. Are you kidding me? I just spent almost $300 to get us into the park and now I have to take a bus back to the hotel while schlepping a stroller and my kid because we reek.

So:

Vomit - Free
Three nights at Disney - $650
Park Admission - $225
Two Tacos - $9.95
Souvenirs - $100
Ice cold beer - Priceless

Now I am in New Smyrna hanging with friends. I might play golf tomorrow, pretty sure we haven’t filed bankruptcy yet. The weather is here, I wish I was beautiful.