Marriage, why?

Why Marry?

Like most middle aged men, this is a valid question, one I confronted yesterday when my brother in law tied the proverbial knot of death. He's in his mid-thirties, good looking, and he married his baby momma - that's New York code for a shot gun wedding. She's 31, attractive, has a good job and pregnant. He has been dating her for over two years. So why get married, why tie the knot of death?

I protested, silently, by wearing black. Okay, grey pinstripe suit, black shirt. Not exactly a signal protest, but I wore a tie with red and white - red for the passion to contrast with the black shirt, white as a ray of hope that this marriage might be different than every other marriage - where the husband capitulates in the interest of home harmony.

But, I have little hope for this one, or any other one. Marriage seems to be an institution forced on us by our construct of religion. Men are not monogamous by nature; we need the socializing influence of a good woman. This is tantamount to asking a child to tame a bear. The bear will end up mauling the child, but because it's humans we are talking about, the bear will then feel guilty about mauling the child.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying women are children - they just have the same chance of taming men as a child has taming a bear. And the bear has the same capacity for remorse as men have - none.

I believe we should have chits for children, like businesses have credits for pollution. You get two, spend them how you want to. If you are thirty five and have two chits left, you will be popular with women who have a biological clock. If you spent your chits in your twenties, those women will shun you.

"You got chits?"

"Nah, used 'em already."

"Have a nice night."

On the other hand, if a woman has already used her chits and meets a man with no chits, it would read like this.

"You got chits?"

"Nah, use 'em already."

"Me too."

"Wanna talk?"

"Yeah, what else would we do?"

Now, dudes would actually talk to women. We might actually act like humans then, because, there's no procreative pressure and you can approach marriage as an agreement rather than a contract, a contract signed by God Almighty.

So, I used my chits, you?

Spike